


Say you won't let go (Phan)

by Misha_with_wings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cute, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dan loves Phil, Domestic, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, Love, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Songfic, YouTube, anxiety attack, hug, kiss, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 07:58:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11893389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misha_with_wings/pseuds/Misha_with_wings
Summary: "I think I'm in love with you!""What?".....I knew I loved you then, but you'd never know cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go.





	Say you won't let go (Phan)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second phanfic and I'm quite proud of it. 
> 
> The song I reference is "Say you won't let go" by James Arthur. (Listen to it it's literally amazing)
> 
> Also there's a lot of cussing going on in Dan's head. -be warned-

Autoplay on YouTube sometimes led to good things, like maybe a random cat video or the discovery of a new song. 

Dan really didn't expect one random song discovery to give him so many feelings and emotions. Especially not feelings like this. 

He couldn't help but listen to the song and just think, his mind almost forced him to think of Phil- the same Phil who was sat beside him scrolling through some random social media platform on his phone. 

Dan glanced at the title- 'Say you won't let go', this was a very good song... but why was it making his brain be ambushed with all of these feelings he had tried so hard to repress?

It literally made memories flash through his head and he couldn't help but analyze the lyrics a bit more. He hit replay on the song and watched the lyrics on the screen intently. 

'...You made me feel as though I was enough...'

Dan instantly got this deep rooted feeling in his heart, he didn't know what it was but he could physically feel something. 

That line did make sense, Phil did make him feel important and not completely useless... before he met Phil he felt like the most unimportant person in the world. 

Dan nervously chewed on his bottom lip and he tapped his fingers against his laptop, making a soft tapping sound so it wasn't quite loud enough to be annoying. 

'...I knew I loved you then but you'd never know, 'cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go...'

Dan could feel his heart constricting tightly within his chest, he was being slapped in the face with so many emotions that he couldn't think straight. 

He thought back to when he first started being really close with Phil... all of those feelings he has repressed weren't as repressed then. He remembers when he used to think about liking Phil as more than just a friend. 

Did he love Phil back then? Did he love him now? Dan instantly shoved that thought away, a giant red flag went up in his mind saying don't go there. He really couldn't afford to have a complete mental breakdown because of this, especially when Phil was on the opposite side of the sofa. 

But Dan did know that he really really... really liked Phil back then. Was it love? Who knows. 

Dan starts fidgeting lightly, his nervousness and anxiety about this was beginning to show. 

'...I know I needed you but I never showed, but I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old...'

Dammit, Dan thinks along with a million other curse words as he closes his eyes tightly- as if that would make his mind shut the hell up. 

He needed Phil- he needs Phil. He knows he does... dammit, dammit, dammit. 

He couldn't stop thinking and he felt like he was gonna explode from holding on this much emotion- he just felt so jittery and shaky. What in the hell was happening to him? Is this what happens when you repress things and feelings for too long? Does it just bottle up until one little song comes along and triggers it all back up? Dammit, Dan thinks once again. 

Then his mind wandered slightly, evaluating the next line of the song so it could form yet another feels attack. 

He wanted to live with Phil forever, that thought just slipped up out of a deep dark hole in his mind. What if Phil decided one day that he wanted to move out and move away from Dan? No, Dan thinks- he doesn't think he could take that. Phil made him happy, Phil kept him sane- what if he left one day? He didn't want to live without Phil, and honestly maybe he did want to stay with him until they were grey and old? Does that mean he has to love Phil?

Fucking hell- Dan thinks now, why was his mind running on such an overdrive? So many questions were swamping him. He knew the answer could be the same for all of them but he didn't want to admit it. Phil was his best friend. Friend. Dan thinks the about word friend and he wants it to disappear, why though? Did he love Phil- no. Dan rejects the thought because the second it tried to force itself into the open his heart had a mini spasm in his chest. 

'...oh, and you look as beautiful as ever, and I swear that everyday you'll get better. You make me feel this way somehow...'

Fuck- fuck fuck fuck- shit. That's pretty much what Dan's mind consisted of, nothing but excessive cursing as he tried to repress everything again. But it was almost like he forgot how to repress anything- like what the hell. 

In the state of his internal panic he glances over at Phil and- fuck. Every bone, muscle, and curse word in his body freezes. He couldn't even think anything now. 

Phil suddenly looked different to him, he looked freaking beautiful. How the hell has Dan not noticed- okay well he has noticed but he repressed it. Jesus I repress a lot of shit- Dan thinks. 

Phil was just sitting there in his Star Wars pajamas and a plain blue t-shirt with his glasses slowly falling off his face, yet Dan looked at him like he was gold- better than gold. Well Phil is better than gold. 

Phil always looked good, no matter what he wore and no matter what time of day it was. And his hair was always perfect and his eyes were so pretty that they made Dan melt from the inside out, and he looked so cute in his glasses just- Dan sighed lightly. It wasn't fair. 

'...I'm so in love with you and I hope you know, darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold...'

Fuck. Dan thinks yet again. He actually felt like he was beginning to tear up, his throat felt closed off and it was hard to swallow. He was all choked up and emotional and he just didn't know why. Well he kinda did, this was just all of his repressed feelings tumbling out of him like he was an open floodgate. 

Fuck it, fuck all of it. Dan thinks. He seems to think that a lot, but he was never good at describing how he felt anyway so why not just cuss instead. 

Phil was freaking effortlessly beautiful it was almost god-like, Phil was perfect in every freaking way- Dan's heart was just blowing up like a balloon of feelings and it was going to explode, and that explosion was going to end in tears- a lot of tears. 

He knew he was pretty much staring at Phil, luckily Phil's attention was completely taken over by his phone screen. 

Dan knew there was a lovey wide-eyed look on his face but he couldn't seem to break out of it. He was just so entranced by Phil. Since all of these things and feelings have spilt out into his mind he's just been confused, then he looked at Phil and it's like everything fell into place. 

Dan's mind managed to think another fucking fuck followed by a series of more curse words before he just gave in to his repressed and dreaded emotions. 

God damnit, he thinks, he did love Phil then- and he fucking loves Phil now. He really loves Phil. It actually hurts how much he loves Phil- he could probably cry from how much he loves him, and he might start doing so here in a few seconds. 

'...we've come so far my dear, look how we've grown...'

The floodgates cracked open and Dan's eyes filled with unshed tears. Why did he have to be such an emotional wreck of a human being? 

But he couldn't help but think of everything he and Phil had accomplished together, they had done so much over the past several years and they have influenced so many people and they have done so many things.

They had truly came a long way, and they did it all together. Surely that meant something major, something more. 

'...I wanna live with you even when we're ghosts, 'cause you were always there for me when I needed you most...'

Phil was always there for him, through the good, the bad, and the ugly times. He was always there to make everything okay because that's just how Phil was. No pun intended but he was just an amazing person. Dan couldn't help but love him for that. 

Phil helped him through every existential crisis, every bit of anxiety, and just everything. He was truly wonderful. 

And god was Dan in love, so so in love. 

Also as if it wasn't clear already, Dan did want to live with Phil forever. He felt like if he didn't live with Phil he'd just disappear into a black hole or something. 

'...I'm gonna love you till my lungs give out...'

Dan was completely breathless, looking at Phil was like getting punched in the lungs. But in a good way... 

Pretty much looking at Phil was pure bliss but the catch was his lungs were temporarily put out of service- and his heart was ordered to have a spasm. 

And if loving Phil meant he had to sacrifice his ability to breathe and think coherently- then so be it. 

Soon the song ended and a random ad disrupted Dan's intent staring at Phil. 

He quickly paused it and decided that was enough YouTube for the night, he was already murdered with feelings. Okay that was false, he was still alive but at the moment he didn't want to be. How could he act normal with Phil now?

What if Phil doesn't love him?

Damnit, there goes the string of curse words again. 

Now anxiety was eating him alive, he couldn't breathe and he felt like having a mental breakdown. Except it would probably end up being the biggest mental breakdown he's ever had in his entire life, and he's had quite a few.

He just sat his laptop off to the side and stared at Phil, admiring him from the opposite side of the sofa. 

Phil was calming to look at but at the same time he made Dan's heart race quicker and that was causing more anxiety. 

He was pretty much having a silent anxiety attack while staring at Phil- mostly because he was worrying to much and overthinking this whole thing. 

Dan was so spaced out that he didn't even notice Phil looking over at him. 

Phil glanced over at first before he saw that Dan was staring at him with this wide-eyed yet confused stare. His chest was visibly rising and falling with hammered breaths, that was concerning. 

"Dan?" Phil asks, "You okay?" He tilts his head in concern. 

Dan couldn't snap out of it, he was just internally falling apart and so many what-ifs were rushing through his brain. He really just wanted to jump on Phil and kiss him just to get it over with- but he was too chicken shit to do so. 

He just wanted to cuddle, hug, and kiss Phil... he wanted to snuggle up to him when he was cold. He wanted to hold his hand and entwine their fingers together. He wanted them to be that couple that everyone thought was sickly in love but secretly everyone was jealous of them. 

"Hey, Dan!?" Phil snaps his fingers in front of Dan's face making Dan literally jump like he was just jumpscared. 

"Huh?" Dan tried shaking off the feelings, nope he couldn't do it. He looked at Phil and his eyes were just so blue and pretty and his lips were just so pink and they looked warm and inviting- damnit Dan stop it! Dan mentally yelled at himself. 

"What's wrong? You seem weird." Phil states, a concerned expression was painted across his beautiful features. 

The red flag flies up in Dan's mind once again but he ignored it, mostly because his brain to mouth filter had given out. What even was a filter at this point? The metaphorical word vomit forced itself out of Dan's mouth before he could even think about it. 

"I think I'm in love with you!" Dan yells, emotion pouring out into his voice like he was in some drama movie. Sadly this wasn't a drama movie, no, it was just his life. 

Dan slapped a hand over his mouth the second the words escaped, his eyes were wide and he looked straight at Phil who now looked even more confused. 

"What?" Phil asks. Did he even hear that right?

"I-I... I think I'm in love with you..." Dan says softly, his hand falling back down into his lap. His face falls into a sad expression when he realizes that he in fact ruined everything. "I'm sorry." He mumbles a few seconds later. 

Phil just stared at him, he didn't know what to say. He kinda always thought Dan had a little crush on him but he didn't know it was like that- not that he was complaining. He loved Dan, he'd do anything for Dan, he just didn't want to be pushy with anything so he waited for Dan to come around and accept his own feelings. It seems like he's finally done that. 

"Please don't leave me Phil..." Dan says, his voice almost a whimper as his jaw clenched and his eyes filled with tears, one tear even managed to escape.

"Dan, why are you sad?" Phil asks in a soft voice as he scoots closer to the younger boy. 

"I ruined our friendship didn't I? I just had to fall in love with you! But you're just so perfect and flawless and amazing... I couldn't help it- I'm sorry Phil... just please don't leave me, I won't be able to take it if you leave me, I need you-"

"Dan-" 

"No! You don't get it Phil, I can't live without you... I-I've repressed all of this for so long and it just kinda came out of me but I love you- I fucking love you so much Phil that it hurts..." Dan was practically sobbing at this point. Phil was concerned, why was Dan so upset, was it not obvious that Phil loved him too?

Phil gently placed his hand on Dan's shoulder, "Dan, just calm down okay? I'm definitely not gonna leave you, I'd never do that." 

Dan glanced up at Phil before looking back down at his hands, his eyes were red and glossy and his face was lightly pink. 

"C'mere." Phil opened his arms for Dan who proceeded to dive into the embrace. Dan buried his face in Phil's chest and he clutched at his t-shirt like it was his lifeline. 

"Dan I love you too." Phil finally says, Dan freezes up before looking up at him. 

"R-really? You aren't just saying that to make me feel better are you because that would make me feel worse..."

"No- no... that's a terrible thing to do. I am completely in love with you Dan, I promise. You're absolutely lovely." Phil says making Dan blush harder. 

"Is this even happening?" Dan asks with a small chuckle, "This seems surreal to me..."

"What? That you love me and I love you?" Phil asks softly.

"I love you so much Phil... I'm sorry it took me forever to admit it, but I promise I've loved you for a long time." 

"Oh I know, it's always been pretty obvious and it's been hard for me to not make a move on you- but I knew you were repressing everything and I didn't want to make you freak out so I just waited it out and let you figure out your own feelings. I knew you'd eventually admit it to yourself and you'd come around but I was willing to wait forever." Phil says making the fuzzy feeling in Dan's heart grow. 

"I would've gotten frustrated and just grabbed you and kissed you if the situation were reversed." Dan says making Phil laugh. 

"Well it was hard to not do that a few times... especially when you look at me with that heart eyed look you always do."

"I do that?" Dan asks, he doesn't remember doing that? Maybe it was unintentional. He shrugs it off. 

"Oh yeah." Phil chuckles again before hugging Dan tighter. "I'm so glad I can finally hold you like this..." 

They cling to each other for a few minutes before they sit back up and just stare at each other, the feelings between them were finally free. 

"So?" Dan asks. 

"So what?" Phil asks in confusion.

"So... are you gonna kiss me or am I gonna have to sit here forever waiting for you to do it?" Dan asks sassily, with a bit of humor. Just so Dan. 

Phil shakes his head and rolls his eyes as a chuckle emits from him. "You're too cute." 

Phil leaned in and pressed his lips to Dan's softly, loving the way Dan eagerly responded. 

They broke away and Dan sighed in relief, he really wanted that. 

It felt like a swarm of butterflies had erupted in Dan's stomach and he loved the fluttery fuzzy feeling. It was euphoric and it gave him a feeling of immense ecstasy. 

"I fucking love you." Dan says. 

"I love you too." Phil says before planting a kiss right on Dan's nose. 

Dan moves himself forward to snuggle into Phil, he nuzzles his face into the crook of Phil's neck and sighs lightly before pressing his lips to Phil's jaw. 

Phil wraps his arms around Dan and leans back into the sofa cushions with Dan in his arms. 

He could lay like this forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm literally obsessed with this song and I have been since before it was even popular and played on the radio every five seconds. 
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed this fluffy mess of a phanfic. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated! :P


End file.
